Podcast

paula’s story

First trimester, wow, how I don’t miss that. One minute I’m happy and excited; the next, I’m frustrated, nauseous and sleepy. I remember going to the washroom at work to take cat naps on the floor because I couldn’t keep my eyes open in front of my computer. It’s always a gamble because I don’t know how I would feel in early pregnancy. Despite the fatigue, mood swings and mild nausea, I am lucky to have lost the morning sickness lottery and kept it pretty textbook. I am joined by Bianca and Dyna, who won the jackpot regarding morning sickness, as they take us through what it was like to be on the wrong side of chance by suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

bianca’s story

Bianca begins her story by answering how she knew she wasn’t playing the popular morning sickness game. Her answer was immediate in that it was very difficult to realize what was happening to her. She remembers her five senses being heightened, and the moment she started logging how many times she had been sick in a day was when she concluded that something was wrong.

“in the past 3-4 hours, i VOMITED 11 times…”

Bianca explains that she is someone who can take a lot, a lot of stress, a lot of sleep deprivation, a lot, but as time passed and she hit the 25-time mark, Bianca was so exhausted she could not function, and she called her doctor. She admits that pregnancy was a nightmare because she did not feel like a human living on this planet. She couldn’t work, eat, or get out of bed, and HG (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) completely took over her life. Bianca describes herself as feeling useless, a difficult pill to swallow as she is very hands-on enjoys activities and prides herself on her work. This constant sentiment of not being fully present, day in and day out, really took a toll on her physically and mentally.

“I couldn’t do anything, brushing my teeth and having a shower was a good day…”

Despite the nine months of torment, Bianca underwent with her first pregnancy, she decided to do it again. Why? Because her doctor had told her that it wasn’t 100% sure that HG would manifest itself again and Bianca being her brave optimist, decided to play the lottery a second time. Did she win? Unfortunately, she did. During her second pregnancy, she shares with tears in her eyes, in addition to feeling utterly depleted in every single way; she felt guilty because she was incapable of spending time with her firstborn. The most important thing to her every single day was to gather all her strength to read him a bedtime story and give him that moment and that love. There were times when she would ask herself if she was physically and mentally strong enough to reach the nine months!

“i had to go through a HEARTBREAK with my first born…”

With relief and comfort, Bianca says that as soon as the baby came out of her, she was immediately brought back to life in every sense. Having won the morning sickness lottery twice, the only play that Bianca will be doing is with her two beautiful boys for the foreseeable future.

dyna’s story

Dyna shares many of the same symptoms as Bianca, but the only difference was that she didn’t know she was pregnant just yet. She would be in meetings where her colleagues commented on her paleness, and she would have trouble staying awake. Covid! She was certain that she was on her way to getting Covid, as everyone around her was catching it. Just for fun, as she puts it, she decided to take a test, which came out positive, a pregnancy test that is.

“i’m pregnant; THIS is normal; EVERYBODY talks about morning SICKNESS…”

Christmas rolled around, and Dyna was at her in-laws for the holidays, where she slept all the time, like 15 hours a day. She had shared with her sister-in-law, a nurse, that in addition to this possible narcolepsy, she is also experiencing pain and bleeding. Immediately they think, miscarriage. When she arrived home, she went to the bathroom, saw a big splat of blood, and went to the ER. Certain that she is miscarrying, the doctors confirm her fear and offer her counselling. Absolutely devastated, Dyna is beside herself and overloaded with stress and desperation until they decide to do a vaginal ultrasound as a precaution. PSYCH! Just kidding, there is a heartbeat. What a rollercoaster of emotions she felt in 24hrs. Dyna was sent home on bed rest for two weeks for safety as she was still bleeding.

“i’m exhausted, so i’m thinking it’s all due to this condition where i could LOSE the baby…”

One month passed, and Dyna couldn’t eat or drink anything; she was constantly nauseous. Everyone was telling her that this is first trimester feels and that this is entirely normal. In her second month of pregnancy, Dyna is confident something is wrong as she still cannot keep anything down and shows up to her OB’s office sweating. A nurse asks her if she is ok where Dyna replies NO. Her OB then sends her back to the ER, where they diagnose her with HG. Admitted to the hospital, hooked up to IV fluids, Dyna is not allowed to eat or drink. She explains how they slowly introduce food and water, a little bit at a time to make sure her body can keep it down. After five days in the hospital, she still remembers every detail. She looks back and says that her pregnancy expectations were definitely not met, thinking what a beautiful experience it should be to be pregnant. She wasn’t eating, vomiting and sleeping all the time, feeling completely incapacitated. Then, what changed the game, was when she was assigned a therapist.

“that was a pivotal point for me when THEY gave me a therapist…”

The mental toll is so heavy Dyna continues because every day is the same. She was reliving the same day over and over again, just sleeping and vomiting. She felt hopeless that she would never get her life back as she saw the light at the end of the tunnel getting smaller and smaller. Anger, jealousy and envy are all emotions that Dyna feels toward her partner. He would be a parent just as much as her, yet she is suffering, losing all her autonomy.

“i wanted my child, i love my child, but i hated being pregnant…”

Dyna confirms what Bianca had experienced, that when her daughter was born, a wave of relief came over her, and the first thing she asked for upon giving birth was a big, tall glass of water.

moral of the story: Trust your gut!